by TA York

Finding Rest: Forgiveness in the Midst of Deep Suffering

We hear a lot about forgiveness from the pulpit, but it often feels like the church talks less and less about the daily reality of it.

Oh yes, we hear about the cross of Christ. We hear about how repentance transforms us into reflections of Jesus. That change is beautiful. But have you ever noticed that even after finding Christ, the ghosts of past hurts still creep into your mind? Have you ever discovered that old trauma can still cause agonizing suffering today?

I certainly have. There are days when the pain in my heart is so overwhelming that I can only cry out to God for help.

When the Past Floods Back

Recently, I was watching the movie The Shack. There is a scene where a young boy is brutally beaten by his father. The moment I saw it, memories flooded my mind. I was pulled right back into the abuse I suffered at the hands of my own parents.

I remembered the beatings—usually to my head. I remembered running out of the house, hiding alone in the basement for a day or two, or escaping to a playground, completely isolated, wondering why on earth I was ever born.

As I grew older and stepped into ministry, I came to understand that God was using those dark chapters as part of my training to minister to the broken. Yet, knowing that truth doesn’t make the memory any less painful.

On the hardest days, I still cry out to God through my tears, begging Him to take the pain away. Sometimes, I can still hear the echoing voices of my parents saying, “You’re no good. You’ll never be any good.” Even though I know it’s a lie, the weight of it can make me ask the Lord to just take me home.

The Three Directions of Forgiveness

So, what is this battle really about? Is it self-inflicted pain? Is it the enemy playing mind games with our memories?

Here is what I have discovered: Out of all the people who have hurt me in my life—parents, a spouse, bullies, past relationships, children, friends—the person who has caused me the most prolonged suffering is me, by holding onto the weight of it all.

True healing requires looking at forgiveness in three directions:

1. God’s Forgiveness: God forgave us from the foundation of the world.
2. Forgiving Ourselves: We must accept the love of Christ and realize that, through Him, we are worthy of that love.
3. Forgiving Others: We must release those who hurt us.

This isn’t some profound, hidden revelation. It’s not a one-time experiment, either. It is a daily—sometimes minute-by-minute—attitude of the heart. It starts with a simple prayer: “Thank you, Lord, that I am worthy of your love!”

Releasing the Clenched Fist

The next step is working on the judgmental attitudes we naturally harbor against those who harm us. Forgiving someone doesn’t excuse the terrible suffering the world lays on God’s people. But releasing them to God is what ultimately frees our hearts.

Suffering is a guaranteed part of living in this world, but it is not a part of God’s eternal kingdom. He promised that one day, He will personally wipe away every tear.

Is doing this easy? Not at all. It is incredibly difficult to hand your pain to God with your right hand, and resist the urge to pull it back with your left.

I am not afraid of death; I will welcome it when my time comes. But for now, God has me here on this earth to evangelize, to care, and to teach. To do that effectively, we have to let God release our hearts from the prison of past pain.

A Thread of Kindness

I am just a student in the school of forgiveness, but I want to share a quick story that shows how this looks in the real world.

While evangelizing on a college campus, I met a transgender woman. We ended up talking for about twenty minutes. She shared that she was currently homeless and had recently been brutally attacked; people had stolen everything she owned and beaten her severely.

I didn’t lead with judgment. I spoke to her with genuine love and kindness, sharing the goodness of God and passing along Scripture. She was incredibly open, receiving both prayer and some gospel tracts. She even shared that she had accepted Christ in the past, though she knew her current lifestyle was an issue she was wrestling with.

In that moment, she didn’t need a lecture—she needed the tangible kindness and love of Jesus.

How do you know when forgiveness and grace are needed? The answer is simple: whenever you are talking to another human being. Let’s stop holding onto the pain of the past, and start letting God’s light shine through our cracks.

God bless you!